Smells Like Teen Spandex

The beginning of the year signifies one thing in my family. DANCE COMPETITION season! The final competition was this past weekend. Every year I walk away from these competitions with approximately 300 less brain cells than I came into it with. This year colorful commentary was there every weekend. One weekend in particular was the climax. In a matter of a couple hours all of the following things happened.

I made conversation with this woman in the hallway because she had the coolest shoes on. I noticed everyone was kind of watching me talk to her, but I chose to think they were all freaks and I was the normal one. Turns out she is a really famous dancer and was one of the judges. I still maintain that they were all freaks...I am sure famous dancers like to be told they look cute just as much as those of us who don't have muscles that are visible when doing arduous things like pointing.

I tried to reserve some seats when some women were getting up and one of them looked at me like I had just kicked a three-legged puppy and said "We aren't leaving." (really rudely) I held my tongue because I know the type of people who will start a fight. She was one of them. I didn't want to have to beat her up in front of 1,000 people.

Every boy that took the stage only buttoned the second button on their dress shirt so that their skinny 16-year-old boy abs could easily be viewed by everyone in the auditorium. I am sorry if that is the new thing to do, but please, you look ridiculous. Everyone knows the 3rd button is a much sexier option.

A chick in one of the worst dances of the evening kept making a face that would scare Hannibal Lector. It was a pucker so big it made her eyes shut almost completely. I didn't get it, but I did laugh.

A girl used my face as a spot. (Spot- when turning a dancer will keep their eye on one spot, typically a spot on a wall, in order to keep dizziness and yaking at bay.) I didn't know where to look. I chose the high road and made the weirdest faces I could.

Last but not least during a song appropriately titled "skin" a girl popped out of her costume and didn't realize it for about a minute. Maybe they should have considered costumes that weren't scraps of fabric tied around their bodies. Just an idea from the department of obvious.

So all in all I would say it was a really winning year. Whit did great. Won a bunch of scholarships as per usual. And I, well I got to experience the pure joy of laughing at strangers.