Don't worry I am not planning on trying out any pyrotechnics, although don't rule that out forever. It is just not in my immediate plans. My dad sells fireworks for fun, some of that sick fascination with fire and explosions is bound passed down through the warped gene pool that is my own.
Anyway moving on to the wrap up of one year in the life of Tiffany.
Favorite Movie: Walk the Line
Top 3 Albums:
#1 Cold Roses ~ Ryan Adams...music for any mood
#2 Gimme Fiction ~ Spoon....funky, eclectic, really fun
#3 Hot fuss ~ The Killers....good for when I am angry
# of times I have thanked the Lord for Sarah's gift of discernment and classic "can I make an observation" question: Countless. Crying in public has never been so fun or relieving.
# of jobs: 3
# of dates: 1, the fewest number since I started dating. I'm not down about it though. I got asked out by a fair share of Kansas City's finest men. One guy had just broken off an engagement a couple weeks before and thought asking me to mountain bike/run/roller blade (obviously not a familiar with me) with him 2 minutes after we met was a good idea. (Note to anyone wanting to ask someone out, wait at least 3 minutes after meeting someone to do it. You may find something that is a little harder to say no to than rollerblading.) He didn't understand "no" so he emailed my friend for the next week trying to find out my address. (Classy) Sorry dude my friends don't give my address out to strangers.
# of conversations with a four year old about pin worms, bladder infections, and "sprints ugly overages": 1
# of weddings attended: 14
# of Chocolate Diet Cokes from Sonic ingested: at least 1,000 (stop cringing, it is the most delicious thing ever)
# of haircuts:3
# of crushes: 4 (Don't even think about asking.)
# of times my mom told me I buy my clothes to big: about 5 ("Those pants are way to big Tiff" "Mom they are a medium, I wear an 8...8's don't wear smalls, I am fine with it") At least she didn't grab the crotch of my pants like she did when I was little to see if she could pull them down.
# of times I watched the Lizzie McGuire Movie: 3 (not by choice)
# of incidents that involve my sister trying to lunge at me and punch my face in: 1 (note the word trying...my mom held her back. My walking away in the middle of fights really pisses her off. I am a lover not a fighter, scratch that, I am a debater not a scream at the top of your lungs until your voice box explodes type of girl. Be warned I debate with the best of them, it is a shame I did forensics.)
# of times eharmony has been recommended as a dating solution for me: 2...not gonna happen.
Amount of money spent at Starbucks: my estimation is around $400. I have cut back as of late.
It is an addiction, don't give me a lecture, I know.
# of accidents/tickets: 1, down from 2004 by 3...ahh brakes, it's good to finally know how to work you.
Favorite things/addictions of 2005:
Sweet tea from Arby's...I may as well be from the south
fuzzy socks from Target...I can't stop buying them
oil burners...if you haven't heard me talk about these you don't talk to me often
New York City...both times
bangs
long necklaces
Bright Green coming back in style
Ralph Lauren Turquoise...it is in competition with RL Romance, which I have worn since it came out my junior year in high school. Smell it, enjoy.
Vests
wife beaters (the shirt obviously not the sob's that hit their wives. Duh.)
Good bye 2005 you have been eventful. Bring it on 2006 you saucy minx.
Friday, December 30, 2005
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Come out Bob Barker I know you are behind this...
There is the obvious yellow ribbon supporting our troops, and pink supporting breast cancer, but finally there is one that really expresses America's concern...the pet population.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Cover your mouth up like you got SARS....if you hang around my sister.
It was a fairly normal Christmas this year for once in my life! I am figuring a normal Christmas for me is anything but that. It was seemingly deficient in the things that usually make Christmas worthy of an annual admittance to the local mental institution. Only 2 people cried!
Here are a couple of highlights:
-I sprayed myself in the face with perfume in the middle of the mall. Right in the eyes. My eyes were red and burning for the rest of the night.
-Court tells Whit she needs to brush her teeth because her breath stinks. (She is rude about it, because it isn't in Court's nature to be discrete.) How does she know if Whit's been brushing her teeth? She regularly feels her toothbrush to see if it is wet. After that stunning peek into the world of caring way to much about others hygiene I state:
"You lack a filter."
To which she replies:
"I am tired, NOT LACK OF FILTER.... What is lack of filter?"
-Home video that I wish I could get on the internet because it is begging to be seen by more than my immediate family.
It is footage of our first trip to the ocean when I was in 5th grade. Every one of my family members is perfectly embodied in their actions in the 3 minutes of tape.
It begins with Whitney, who was 4 at the time, walking on all fours (not crawling, on her hands and feet with her butt in the air) across the beach. She then gets slammed by a wave, and is walking like a drunk up the beach. She is met by Court who saw the whole thing, dabs Whit's face and then snatches the towel away so Whitney won't take it. Whit then gets on all fours and begins pecking at the ground... don't know why, and then lays down. Courtney keeps going about two feet away from the water and them screaming like water is a foreign substance brought here by martians in order to wipe out the human race FOREVER!!! My mom (who will not go under water because to her getting your hair wet is similar to getting your skinned gnawed off by a flesh eating bacteria) gets knocked over by a kid on a boogie board and falls over, once she regains her balance and stands again she gets knocked over by a wave. My dad is standing about knee deep in water throwing rocks into the ocean, another puzzler. Whitney finds 2 kids who want to be like her and she leads them back across the beach on all fours. She then goes and picks up sand and throws it at what I am guessing was her attempt to get it into water, but she stands so far away she is throwing it on her band of followers. And you never see me because apparently I was safely wading at neck deep, or attempting to catch non-existent waves.
It lacked the usual "I got locked in a dungeon when I was 3 months old and this is my first time seeing sunlight" drama, but was still a hysterically weird, quirky, and wonderful weekend at home. If you want a funnier Christmas story read Sarah's post. She has the only father that gives my dad a run for the weirdest dad stories ever award.
Here are a couple of highlights:
-I sprayed myself in the face with perfume in the middle of the mall. Right in the eyes. My eyes were red and burning for the rest of the night.
-Court tells Whit she needs to brush her teeth because her breath stinks. (She is rude about it, because it isn't in Court's nature to be discrete.) How does she know if Whit's been brushing her teeth? She regularly feels her toothbrush to see if it is wet. After that stunning peek into the world of caring way to much about others hygiene I state:
"You lack a filter."
To which she replies:
"I am tired, NOT LACK OF FILTER.... What is lack of filter?"
-Home video that I wish I could get on the internet because it is begging to be seen by more than my immediate family.
It is footage of our first trip to the ocean when I was in 5th grade. Every one of my family members is perfectly embodied in their actions in the 3 minutes of tape.
It begins with Whitney, who was 4 at the time, walking on all fours (not crawling, on her hands and feet with her butt in the air) across the beach. She then gets slammed by a wave, and is walking like a drunk up the beach. She is met by Court who saw the whole thing, dabs Whit's face and then snatches the towel away so Whitney won't take it. Whit then gets on all fours and begins pecking at the ground... don't know why, and then lays down. Courtney keeps going about two feet away from the water and them screaming like water is a foreign substance brought here by martians in order to wipe out the human race FOREVER!!! My mom (who will not go under water because to her getting your hair wet is similar to getting your skinned gnawed off by a flesh eating bacteria) gets knocked over by a kid on a boogie board and falls over, once she regains her balance and stands again she gets knocked over by a wave. My dad is standing about knee deep in water throwing rocks into the ocean, another puzzler. Whitney finds 2 kids who want to be like her and she leads them back across the beach on all fours. She then goes and picks up sand and throws it at what I am guessing was her attempt to get it into water, but she stands so far away she is throwing it on her band of followers. And you never see me because apparently I was safely wading at neck deep, or attempting to catch non-existent waves.
It lacked the usual "I got locked in a dungeon when I was 3 months old and this is my first time seeing sunlight" drama, but was still a hysterically weird, quirky, and wonderful weekend at home. If you want a funnier Christmas story read Sarah's post. She has the only father that gives my dad a run for the weirdest dad stories ever award.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
A lesson in the art of present wrapping.
"He said he is giving me an unwrappable present"
"What does that mean?"
"It means he can't wrap it."
"He better not give you a hug."
"What does that mean?"
"It means he can't wrap it."
"He better not give you a hug."
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
The one with all the quirks...
The following are a list of quirks that one is bound to run into if any time with me is spent.
1. I shower irregularly. It is disgusting and is in direct conflict with the next thing on my list.
2. I hate smelling bad. I have hypersensitive senses and I can smell things from a mile away. It is a rare day when I am not wearing perfume of some sort. I carry perfume in my purse just in case. My car even has its own scent. Febreeze is the love of my life.
3. I always drink with a straw. Always.
4. If I am making a point at some point in the discussion I will be scrunching my hair and sucking in my cheeks. When I feel like I have just put the exclamation on a point, which is obviously right, and there is a cup around I apparently make some sort of face and then take a drink, out of my straw of coarse.
5. I talk in weird accents and voices.
6. I don't like sleeping with other people in my bed. Pillows. Pillows are what I like in my bed.
7. I hate fish. They freak me out. Went snorkeling in about 2 feet of water in the Bahamas and absolutely lost it because tiny angel fish were swarming around my head. Eww.. I feel like they're on me right now.
8. I am anal retentive about my teeth. That is kind of a gross way to put that. I have a tooth picker, a tongue scraper, a tooth brush, whitening retainer. If it is put in the oral hygiene aisle I own it. I love going to the dentist.
9. I use both bar soap and body wash. Don't ask why, you don't want to know.
10. I dance. All the time. Anywhere. The kitchen, on my way to the copy machine, in the shower. I once fell out of the shower due to this bad habit. If they didn't line the doors with metal I wouldn't have ended up wet, naked, AND bloody on my parents bathroom floor. Pretty sure they thought I was shot when they heard my scream followed by the huge thud.
Feel free to add more, I am the quirkiest person alive so there are many I am leaving out.
Just an idea:
If you don't read my friend amy's blog you a. need to, and b. per her request googlism your name. It is awesome. Just to give you an idea of the joy that is before you here's what mine pulled up:
tiffany is an online multiplayer
tiffany is going to kill you
tiffany is an 8 year old korean male who
tiffany is getting real
tiffany is toll free
tiffany is in town
tiffany is" you can see how to do this same thing here
tiffany is a good talker
tiffany is an online multiplayer game about four guys trying to win the favor of a super hot chick named tiffany
tiffany is a flash
tiffany is a young adult silkie girl not for the faint hearted
tiffany is so tasty
tiffany is curious about sixty minute man's costume
tiffany is the bond that holds us all together
tiffany is simply to get her to dig you and choose you over the slew of other guys out there doing the same thing
tiffany is an online multiplayer
tiffany is an 8 year old korean male who
tiffany is going to kill you
tiffany is toll free
tiffany is a medium
tiffany is recognized internationally as a trademark for beauty and elegance
tiffany is silent no more she was ultimately the queen of pop of the '80s
tiffany is an acclaimed international speaker and has been featured at internet industry conferences
tiffany is played exclusively on
tiffany is feeling real frisky
tiffany is still on steroids to keep her brain fluid draining
tiffany is caused by an overwhelming systemic response to infection
who knew? I mean I did know I was male, Korean, a flash and a response to infection, but everything else...Wow!
1. I shower irregularly. It is disgusting and is in direct conflict with the next thing on my list.
2. I hate smelling bad. I have hypersensitive senses and I can smell things from a mile away. It is a rare day when I am not wearing perfume of some sort. I carry perfume in my purse just in case. My car even has its own scent. Febreeze is the love of my life.
3. I always drink with a straw. Always.
4. If I am making a point at some point in the discussion I will be scrunching my hair and sucking in my cheeks. When I feel like I have just put the exclamation on a point, which is obviously right, and there is a cup around I apparently make some sort of face and then take a drink, out of my straw of coarse.
5. I talk in weird accents and voices.
6. I don't like sleeping with other people in my bed. Pillows. Pillows are what I like in my bed.
7. I hate fish. They freak me out. Went snorkeling in about 2 feet of water in the Bahamas and absolutely lost it because tiny angel fish were swarming around my head. Eww.. I feel like they're on me right now.
8. I am anal retentive about my teeth. That is kind of a gross way to put that. I have a tooth picker, a tongue scraper, a tooth brush, whitening retainer. If it is put in the oral hygiene aisle I own it. I love going to the dentist.
9. I use both bar soap and body wash. Don't ask why, you don't want to know.
10. I dance. All the time. Anywhere. The kitchen, on my way to the copy machine, in the shower. I once fell out of the shower due to this bad habit. If they didn't line the doors with metal I wouldn't have ended up wet, naked, AND bloody on my parents bathroom floor. Pretty sure they thought I was shot when they heard my scream followed by the huge thud.
Feel free to add more, I am the quirkiest person alive so there are many I am leaving out.
Just an idea:
If you don't read my friend amy's blog you a. need to, and b. per her request googlism your name. It is awesome. Just to give you an idea of the joy that is before you here's what mine pulled up:
tiffany is an online multiplayer
tiffany is going to kill you
tiffany is an 8 year old korean male who
tiffany is getting real
tiffany is toll free
tiffany is in town
tiffany is" you can see how to do this same thing here
tiffany is a good talker
tiffany is an online multiplayer game about four guys trying to win the favor of a super hot chick named tiffany
tiffany is a flash
tiffany is a young adult silkie girl not for the faint hearted
tiffany is so tasty
tiffany is curious about sixty minute man's costume
tiffany is the bond that holds us all together
tiffany is simply to get her to dig you and choose you over the slew of other guys out there doing the same thing
tiffany is an online multiplayer
tiffany is an 8 year old korean male who
tiffany is going to kill you
tiffany is toll free
tiffany is a medium
tiffany is recognized internationally as a trademark for beauty and elegance
tiffany is silent no more she was ultimately the queen of pop of the '80s
tiffany is an acclaimed international speaker and has been featured at internet industry conferences
tiffany is played exclusively on
tiffany is feeling real frisky
tiffany is still on steroids to keep her brain fluid draining
tiffany is caused by an overwhelming systemic response to infection
who knew? I mean I did know I was male, Korean, a flash and a response to infection, but everything else...Wow!
Friday, December 16, 2005
It's all fun and games until somebody drowns in a pool while strapped to some sort of wheel.
My boss just told me her son thinks he is carrying his baby sister in his stomach and won't "poo" because she might fall out. Hey, at least he is protecting her.
I never found that kind of protectiveness with my sisters. I got handed a hot curling iron by Courtney who said it wasn't hot, when in fact she had plugged it in so that she could turn my hand into her own personal "let's see what happens when human skin is heated to the point of boiling" experiment. Later that year she mistook me for some sort of sparkler sword fighter and whipped me on my arm with a 3 foot sparkler that was still on fire. (As a side note that same 4th of July a June bug flew up my nose. Not my best 4th of July.) She got her fair share though my littlest sister Whitney peed in a dixie cup and told Courtney it was lemonade. It only took her one sip to realize that it was in fact not a sugary sweet drink but the waste of a toddler. Yummy. Apparently we were raised by people who thought of pain and affliciton as child's play. Who needs monopoly when Chinese water torture is an option? Obviously not the Matalone's.
I never found that kind of protectiveness with my sisters. I got handed a hot curling iron by Courtney who said it wasn't hot, when in fact she had plugged it in so that she could turn my hand into her own personal "let's see what happens when human skin is heated to the point of boiling" experiment. Later that year she mistook me for some sort of sparkler sword fighter and whipped me on my arm with a 3 foot sparkler that was still on fire. (As a side note that same 4th of July a June bug flew up my nose. Not my best 4th of July.) She got her fair share though my littlest sister Whitney peed in a dixie cup and told Courtney it was lemonade. It only took her one sip to realize that it was in fact not a sugary sweet drink but the waste of a toddler. Yummy. Apparently we were raised by people who thought of pain and affliciton as child's play. Who needs monopoly when Chinese water torture is an option? Obviously not the Matalone's.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Beauty of the Unknown and Unanswerable...
I had the luxury of a 4 day weekend and what did I do? I got completely depressed by reading The Hiding Place. Started it Friday, finished it Monday. For those who don't know the premise of the book it is basically a woman's (Corrie Ten Boom) journey through World War II. I was joking that I thought it was going to change my life, but in the end it is no joke at all. God has destroyed my incompassionate heart, and by default me in this woman's story. I have come to the conclusion that my brain paints very vivid pictures when I read. I think this is why anything in the genre of fantasy is so boring to me. Reality is so beautiful, thrilling, painful, gripping and a constant reminder that God works in ways that are as mystifying as they are wondrous.
Corrie Ten Boom grew up in Holland. She and her sister lived with their father in a watch shop. Ultimately Corrie became the center of "the underground" (a group that helped hide Jews all over Holland.) She was arrested put in prison, and eventually got transported to a concentration camp.
Throughout the book I constantly found myself putting myself in her place. These people took in the people that no one else would take. They were every moment risking themselves for the sake of strangers. The part that gets me is they could have avoided it all because they weren't Jewish. How many times do I choose not to help because it is easier for me? When she was in solitary confinement I was just imagining the pity party I would be throwing while she was praying. They (Corrie and her sister Betsie) thanked God for the fleas in their bunks, they held worship services for everyone. They lived with the boldness we are called to live with, and God blessed them for it. It turned out the fleas they thanked God for were the reason they never got caught during the worship services. The guards wouldn't come near their dorm because of them. They were granted an amount of privacy that was probably unheard of in concentration camps because of a disgusting bug I would have been cursing. It is one of the best pictures of good and evil in humanity I have ever seen. I was sick for a number of hours, completely disgusted with the depth of wickedness in humans. How can someone kick someone to death and feel no guilt, in fact feel good, like they are doing human kind some sort of service? I get brainwashing. I understand that it is very powerful, but you have to at some point put yourself in a position to be brainwashed. It doesn't just happen one day while your on the way to the store. How did a man so corrupt get into power and manage to coerce a nation into believing that Germans were somehow better than anyone else? How did no one stop him before millions upon millions of people died for no reason? Why does genocide keep happening? It just isn't fair. I hate it.
I will leave you with a quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer to think about because I could rant for 10 hours about this...
"It is the nature, and the advantage of strong people that they can bring out the crucial questions and form a clear opinion about them. The weak always have to decide between alternatives that are not their own."
Corrie Ten Boom grew up in Holland. She and her sister lived with their father in a watch shop. Ultimately Corrie became the center of "the underground" (a group that helped hide Jews all over Holland.) She was arrested put in prison, and eventually got transported to a concentration camp.
Throughout the book I constantly found myself putting myself in her place. These people took in the people that no one else would take. They were every moment risking themselves for the sake of strangers. The part that gets me is they could have avoided it all because they weren't Jewish. How many times do I choose not to help because it is easier for me? When she was in solitary confinement I was just imagining the pity party I would be throwing while she was praying. They (Corrie and her sister Betsie) thanked God for the fleas in their bunks, they held worship services for everyone. They lived with the boldness we are called to live with, and God blessed them for it. It turned out the fleas they thanked God for were the reason they never got caught during the worship services. The guards wouldn't come near their dorm because of them. They were granted an amount of privacy that was probably unheard of in concentration camps because of a disgusting bug I would have been cursing. It is one of the best pictures of good and evil in humanity I have ever seen. I was sick for a number of hours, completely disgusted with the depth of wickedness in humans. How can someone kick someone to death and feel no guilt, in fact feel good, like they are doing human kind some sort of service? I get brainwashing. I understand that it is very powerful, but you have to at some point put yourself in a position to be brainwashed. It doesn't just happen one day while your on the way to the store. How did a man so corrupt get into power and manage to coerce a nation into believing that Germans were somehow better than anyone else? How did no one stop him before millions upon millions of people died for no reason? Why does genocide keep happening? It just isn't fair. I hate it.
I will leave you with a quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer to think about because I could rant for 10 hours about this...
"It is the nature, and the advantage of strong people that they can bring out the crucial questions and form a clear opinion about them. The weak always have to decide between alternatives that are not their own."
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Either 4 Wheel Drive is AMAZING, or my Driving Skills have become much better.
I could not wait to leave work yesterday to try out my new car in the snow. Mmm it was AWESOME! After years of driving a car with questionable (zero) traction (If car Ice dancing was an Olympic sport I would have numerous gold medals) it was absolutely incredible to break on to the road with a vehicle that has 4 wheel drive. Wow, I didn't know what I was missing.
List of events for yesterday late afternoon and evening:
Push a loaded shopping cart through a snowy parking lot using all of body weight and become as parallel with the ground as possible while still having feet on ground.
Make food and eat with roommates.
Be reminded of the last date I went on when everyone who was at our house (somewhere around 10 people) piled onto the front porch and waved as my date picked me up. It was a really neat experience. Why does crap like this always happen to me?
Have roommates work colleagues over and learn about WIZARD magazine. A magazine about comic books.
Get up and go to bed when one of colleagues is threatening to say a "bad" word to get a dirty look from me. (side note: If he knew anything about me he would know a "bad" word isn't going to get a dirty look, talking about comic books some more might.)
List of events for yesterday late afternoon and evening:
Push a loaded shopping cart through a snowy parking lot using all of body weight and become as parallel with the ground as possible while still having feet on ground.
Make food and eat with roommates.
Be reminded of the last date I went on when everyone who was at our house (somewhere around 10 people) piled onto the front porch and waved as my date picked me up. It was a really neat experience. Why does crap like this always happen to me?
Have roommates work colleagues over and learn about WIZARD magazine. A magazine about comic books.
Get up and go to bed when one of colleagues is threatening to say a "bad" word to get a dirty look from me. (side note: If he knew anything about me he would know a "bad" word isn't going to get a dirty look, talking about comic books some more might.)
Monday, December 05, 2005
Have a Gassy Christmas!!!
In an effort to recoup the mass quantities of readers I apparently offended for using the word "gassy" in my last post, I will use it as much as possible in the future. Sorry people death threats don't work on me. I know where I am headed if I get axed. A warning to my enemies: I am getting pretty muscle-y now and I have gained the added virtue of Unagi (If you don't watch Friends sorry you are missing out on a joke) so if you come creeping around my place in hopes of my demise watch your back you may get salmon skin rolled to death. (Another friends reference...sorry) So I guess I am not recouping anyone...sorry. If I get embarrassed it needs to be shared, that is just the way I work. Keeps me humble.
To the 3 of you still reading I am going to begin posting about my favorite Christmas memories. Why? Because if you haven't realized it yet I have a freaking hilarious family, and I keep getting flashbacks of really strange things we have done in the past for Christmas. I am hoping if I share them I can stop crying myself to sleep. The one memory in particular that keeps coming back to me is the year my dad stuck a candle in a half eaten loaf of bread and forced us to sing Happy Birthday to Jesus. I mean I guess it was Jesus' birthday. I am pretty sure Jesus was laughing. I think the part I found weirdest was that it wasn't that long ago. We're talking 6 years ago at the most. Simply Frightening.
One Christmas I put together a Christmas play loosely based on Charles Dicken's "A Christmas Carol" with my neighbor kids. If you have read this blog in the past
you probably remember this post in which I revealed my high hopes of becoming a singer/actor/director/rapper...alright not a rapper. The play had three sets, I was the mom in one of the families. Everyone else was forced to listen to me in the play, and during the rigorous 3 hour practice sessions held in an unfinished, freezing basement. Basically I was the bitchy mom who everyone hated. (The kind that make you take a nap during Zoobilee Zoo when they invited you over to play with their kid that you don't even like... And the bitterness surfaces.) I think it had one viewing, and received very poor ratings. It would prove to be my last directorial and acting endeavor to this point. Let the sighs of relief begin.
Parting word:
Apparently last year my boss gave someone a Santa Claus carrying a bag that says "Happy Birthday Jesus," was leaking green goo, and for some reason had to be plugged in to someone as a white elephant gift. Her mother-in-law gave it to her for real. Why are we making it harder than it already is? It is pretty hard to say being a Christian is cool when you have crap like that on the market. I am pulling out my Fear Not shirt asap. (Consider yourself lucky if you have no clue what I am rambling about.)
To the 3 of you still reading I am going to begin posting about my favorite Christmas memories. Why? Because if you haven't realized it yet I have a freaking hilarious family, and I keep getting flashbacks of really strange things we have done in the past for Christmas. I am hoping if I share them I can stop crying myself to sleep. The one memory in particular that keeps coming back to me is the year my dad stuck a candle in a half eaten loaf of bread and forced us to sing Happy Birthday to Jesus. I mean I guess it was Jesus' birthday. I am pretty sure Jesus was laughing. I think the part I found weirdest was that it wasn't that long ago. We're talking 6 years ago at the most. Simply Frightening.
One Christmas I put together a Christmas play loosely based on Charles Dicken's "A Christmas Carol" with my neighbor kids. If you have read this blog in the past
you probably remember this post in which I revealed my high hopes of becoming a singer/actor/director/rapper...alright not a rapper. The play had three sets, I was the mom in one of the families. Everyone else was forced to listen to me in the play, and during the rigorous 3 hour practice sessions held in an unfinished, freezing basement. Basically I was the bitchy mom who everyone hated. (The kind that make you take a nap during Zoobilee Zoo when they invited you over to play with their kid that you don't even like... And the bitterness surfaces.) I think it had one viewing, and received very poor ratings. It would prove to be my last directorial and acting endeavor to this point. Let the sighs of relief begin.Parting word:
Apparently last year my boss gave someone a Santa Claus carrying a bag that says "Happy Birthday Jesus," was leaking green goo, and for some reason had to be plugged in to someone as a white elephant gift. Her mother-in-law gave it to her for real. Why are we making it harder than it already is? It is pretty hard to say being a Christian is cool when you have crap like that on the market. I am pulling out my Fear Not shirt asap. (Consider yourself lucky if you have no clue what I am rambling about.)
Thursday, December 01, 2005
O what a night. You should be like me instead of bein' like Mike.
I really thought I wasn't supposed to work out last night because I got to the gym and had mysteriously lost my card to get in. Once I made my way in I realized I didn't bring my headphones which meant 30 minutes on a machine with nothing to listen to. As is typical I was very wrong. I get on my machine and about 2 minutes in the guy next to me starts rapping under his breath. As my workout continues he keeps getting more and more audible. The rapper hand motions slowly become integrated. Then it happened. With no warning whatsoever he looks at me and begins rapping at/to me. At that point I had no clue what he was rapping about, but I definitely recognized the next song. I will spare you the lyrics because they are horrible. I will say he made a booty slapping motion more than once. It took everything in me not to laugh uncontrollably. I am going to start forgetting my headphones more often.
I found out last night that lettuce makes you gassy. Apparently your body doesn't digest it very well. Information that would have been good to know before my body rejected the huge plate of lettuce I ate. Issues ensued at the movie theater. Let's just say I am glad I was the only one in the bathroom. Those details will be spared as well. (I don't want to loose Sarah as a friend, I think announcing my bodily functions anymore than I already have on the internet would at least get me on friend suspension.) I am only further encouraged never to get salad on a date. Like I would ever do that anyway.
I found out last night that lettuce makes you gassy. Apparently your body doesn't digest it very well. Information that would have been good to know before my body rejected the huge plate of lettuce I ate. Issues ensued at the movie theater. Let's just say I am glad I was the only one in the bathroom. Those details will be spared as well. (I don't want to loose Sarah as a friend, I think announcing my bodily functions anymore than I already have on the internet would at least get me on friend suspension.) I am only further encouraged never to get salad on a date. Like I would ever do that anyway.
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