How do you spell awkward?

D-A-D-S-F-R-I-E-N-D-S.

My dad called Saturday to invite me to a dinner he was making. I, not being a fool, said yes. (My dad is an amazing cook, this specific dinner was gourmet Italian, it was friggin awesome.) He invited all of the friends over that helped with my parents house a year and a half ago. (Maybe not the best about being timely with thank you dinners.) I especially appreciated the guy I know he invited over because he wants us to date. I know this because anytime I come home he mentions this guy, and how he should build me a website. In my dad's language that means, "you better up and marry this one little lady.You ain't gettin' any younger." Well subtract the hickness of that sentence, keep the basic principle.I stayed upstairs most of the night as to avoid the strange man that was acting like an eight year old, and randomly told me his aunt lives in Hoboken.(No idea if that is spelled right.) Apparently it is really cool if anyone wants to visit I know a guy. Dinner continued the perpetual freak show that is my life when my dad's best friend wouldn't stop telling me and everyone else there how good I looked. (For those of you who don't know me well I get really awkward and usually will turn a not so flattering shade of purple when people talk about how "good I look.") Everyone starts staring and saying very monotone "oh yeah, so pretty...blah blah blah" (It sounded very pre-recorded. Like it was playing from the stereo and they were all just moving their lips. Out of body experience for sure.)All of the sudden I am the new animal at the zoo that was forced into a cage and carted off to some new fake habitat so all the natives of the area can see the Japanese pigeon and ohh and awww at its odd colored feathers. I turn red, bury my head in the table cloth, and my eyes begin to well up with tears. I know it sounds crazy. I just don't deal with that kind of attention well. Obviously. I felt like a 13 year old all over again. Awkward, not knowing how to handle all the changes going on in my body, voice cracking. Okay so I guess just the first one. My dad kept winking at me, his friend kept hugging me (very uncle geoffry from Bridget Jones' Diary). At least I am loved, and apparently look good to men twice my age. What else is new...

After months of using the outdoors as my workout facility, I have graced the gym with my presence. After getting sufficiently pissed that 24 hour fitness is going to make me pay $80 to transfer to a smaller less equipped gym, as well as not allowing me to get the $25 a month fee, I went and EFX-ed off my rage. Pretty sure the guy "helping" me didn't know how to deal with a blunt woman. I told him what I was wanting (to start going to the new gym because it is closer to my house)and he kept showing me a $900 package. I understand he's a salesman, but when I tell you exactly what I want, not to mention I already paid an enrollment fee why would you continually harass me. I don't like to work out that much anyway. All I want is to be able to go to this gym not the other one! I will continue going to my old location. Which brings me to my next point, well not really, but here is my next point anyway. I hate inner thigh work out machines for two reasons.

A. In between reps you have to either lift your legs over the pad thingies or sit there with your knees 3 feet apart for 20 seconds. I choose to sit there and look as comfortable as possible in one of the most unflattering positions a person can do in a public.

B. My legs hurt real bad today. I feel like I was in a bull riding contest yesterday. The bull won. The reason I hate horses is the pain I am feeling today. Why do I do this to myself?