Anthrax, Sars, and Shake and Bake.

In a world where diseases are spreading faster than poofy-haired, middle-aged women can get to a George Strait concert, it wasn't Sars or that Chicken Flu Erin keeps talking about that left me completely incapacitated last night...it was my cooking.(earsplitting scream)Oh the horror. I decided I would finally make the shake and bake that I bought about 2 months ago (the packet, not the chicken), and it came back to haunt me. It was the kind of sick that makes you debate what end to put over the toilet, and pray that it comes out your mouth first. Di-freakin'-gusting, and painful. Sorry to those of you who have eaten food I have made, and been left sick, stranded, and hopefully near a toilet. I have tasted my own medicine, and it is bitter.

Moving on from the o-so-lovely world of intestinal issues and bowel movements.

I don't have anything that is horrendously embarrassing to report today all I can think of are snipets of moments that I to this day try to suppress Like:

*The time my parents thought it would be a good idea for me to model a bikini in front of their friends. I was 12 and I was mortified. Don't worry I looked awesome, I mean come on a twelve year old girl who hasn't hit puberty and still looks like she is 8. Why not flaunt my under developed body to the masses? Needless to say the bikini went back the next day. 4 years later they couldn't get me to put enough clothes on."You shouldn't even be wearing that in the house let alone in front of teenage boys." "But Mom it's zebra stripes!" " It also is made of about 3 inches of fabric." How I ever thought reiterating the very obvious fact that it was zebra stripes would convince her to let me wear a very little swimsuit is beyond me.

*Any picture of me between the ages of 12 and 18 well really 19.

* The time when I kept crashing my airplane on this program in technology class in 7th grade ( I know it sounds totally lame, but it was actually cool) and the really cute teacher told me it was because I never put down my landing gear. Duh.

* The fact that I have a tendency to walk into glass more often than I would like to admit. Did it last weekend. Did it once at Sears. I don't know why I think I live in a world without doors. Sometimes I stop paying attention, and apparently you'll know when that happens because I will walk straight into sheets of glass. Hang around me enough and I am bound to fall, trip, run into something, often with nothing to cause it.

*The time I was in a seemingly empty grocery store with a very loud man who has no shame and he thought it would be funny to ask very loudly where the condoms were in his most "I grew up in the backwoods, and have never used indoor plumbing before" voice.(We were in the frozen foods aisle at the time, so clearly we weren't actually looking for that.) At that moment an old couple rounded the corner and gave us the most disgusted look. He of course thought it was hilarious, I wanted to climb into the lobster tank.

Final Note:
I answered my phone last night to a fat albert impression by my mom. I think she had too many glasses of coffee or something. I mean don't get me wrong my mamma's a funny lady, but she has never been one to do impressions, dance strangely yes, but impressions, not so much. Lucky for me she had just seen fat albert and couldn't stop saying "hey hey hey" last night. Well done mom I support any more impressions you want to do, keeps me on my toes.