Have a Gassy Christmas!!!

In an effort to recoup the mass quantities of readers I apparently offended for using the word "gassy" in my last post, I will use it as much as possible in the future. Sorry people death threats don't work on me. I know where I am headed if I get axed. A warning to my enemies: I am getting pretty muscle-y now and I have gained the added virtue of Unagi (If you don't watch Friends sorry you are missing out on a joke) so if you come creeping around my place in hopes of my demise watch your back you may get salmon skin rolled to death. (Another friends reference...sorry) So I guess I am not recouping anyone...sorry. If I get embarrassed it needs to be shared, that is just the way I work. Keeps me humble.

To the 3 of you still reading I am going to begin posting about my favorite Christmas memories. Why? Because if you haven't realized it yet I have a freaking hilarious family, and I keep getting flashbacks of really strange things we have done in the past for Christmas. I am hoping if I share them I can stop crying myself to sleep. The one memory in particular that keeps coming back to me is the year my dad stuck a candle in a half eaten loaf of bread and forced us to sing Happy Birthday to Jesus. I mean I guess it was Jesus' birthday. I am pretty sure Jesus was laughing. I think the part I found weirdest was that it wasn't that long ago. We're talking 6 years ago at the most. Simply Frightening.

One Christmas I put together a Christmas play loosely based on Charles Dicken's "A Christmas Carol" with my neighbor kids. If you have read this blog in the past you probably remember this post in which I revealed my high hopes of becoming a singer/actor/director/rapper...alright not a rapper. The play had three sets, I was the mom in one of the families. Everyone else was forced to listen to me in the play, and during the rigorous 3 hour practice sessions held in an unfinished, freezing basement. Basically I was the bitchy mom who everyone hated. (The kind that make you take a nap during Zoobilee Zoo when they invited you over to play with their kid that you don't even like... And the bitterness surfaces.) I think it had one viewing, and received very poor ratings. It would prove to be my last directorial and acting endeavor to this point. Let the sighs of relief begin.
Parting word:
Apparently last year my boss gave someone a Santa Claus carrying a bag that says "Happy Birthday Jesus," was leaking green goo, and for some reason had to be plugged in to someone as a white elephant gift. Her mother-in-law gave it to her for real. Why are we making it harder than it already is? It is pretty hard to say being a Christian is cool when you have crap like that on the market. I am pulling out my Fear Not shirt asap. (Consider yourself lucky if you have no clue what I am rambling about.)