Please tell me everyone has stories from their childhood involving farris wheels an coffee torture.

My recent trip inspired me to reflect on the many vacations I took as a child. We traveled a lot. My last name should have been Jolie-Pitt. Maybe I’ll look into getting it changed. Although we were hardly on the frontlines promoting world peace, we most certainly were being relentlessly photographed by the paparazzi…and by paparazzi I mean my mom.

We used to drive to New Mexico at least once every year to see family. It is a 14 hour drive. We started going down there when I was around 10 which means my younger sisters would have been 7 and 4. That is a kind of torture the government needs to look into. Chain the "knower of information" to the wall and make them endure 3 kids, 10 and under, for 14 hours. It would be a lot less bloody, and everyone would leave with all their fingernails. Anyway. On one trip my grandma crashed the car into the guard rail (which stopped us from plummeting down a cliff) when she fell asleep at the wheel. None of us were hurt, but I did cause a full glass of hot coffee to be dumped on my crotch while I was sleeping. I think I was an awkward 12 or 13 at the time. There was no rest stop in sight so I had to change clothes in front of everyone. It was AWESOME!!! It only proves that sleeping on the floor of a moving vehicle is not a good idea. shocker.



Different Trip.Place: The amusement park Frontier City (a.k.a gateway to hell) . We all get on the farris wheel. When we get to the very top a huge storm roles in. It was the kind of storm that always happens in movies at the exact moment someone is trying to escape something, or realizes they really need to make out. Maybe rain lets off a pheromone that sends a signal that says KISS RIGHT NOW OR THE WORLD WILL END!!! Well, since I was related to everyone in the gondola it was decided we needed to escape not make out. We were at the very top, the sky was black, and it was lightening. I smoked a cigarette and watched everyone else scream. Okay, so I didn’t smoke. But I don’t remember being that scared, most likely because I was in a tremendous amount of shock because of my mom’s reaction. She was screaming profanity off the top of the farris wheel. I don’t think I had ever really heard my mom cuss before that point, and she whipped out every word in the book. The farris wheel conductor man got an earful….along with the rest of Frontier City. I am sure there were parents holding their hands over their kid’s ears crying and praying for mercy as they thought the day of judgment was there, and God was a PMSing woman. Eventually we made it off sans cuts, bruises, and lightening strikes. It was all worth it knowing that I now have an everlasting memory of my mom yelling like a drunken sailor. O childhood, how I miss you so. (Actual farris wheel o' death pictured....terrifying isn't it.)